UPenn Welcomes The Asian Playboy

What: Special Seminar at UPenn

When: Thursday, 2/9/12 at 8:30pm

Where: University of Pennsylvania
John M. Huntsman Hall (JMHH), room 245
3730 Walnut Street
Philadelphia, PA 19104
(between 38th Street & 37th Street)

Map

Visitor Information

What does it mean to be an Asian in the dating world? What are the stereotypes and headwinds that Asians face in twentieth century romance? How can we move past common misconceptions of passivity?

J.T. Tran is the founder, CEO, and lead instructor of the ABCs of Attraction. He leads a wide variety of bootcamps, seminars, and confidence workshops across the nation. Come hear him speak about the stereotypes facing Asian Americans today as they pertain to the dating world, and experience one of J.T.’s workshops in time for Valentine’s Day!

Free food will be served!

Click here To read more about J.T. Tran (see paragraph 7).

Please direct all inquiries regarding this event to Jessica Yan at communications@upennapsc.org.

Dear Better Asian Man,

Why does the bootcamp include a lecture before going out to the nightclubs?

-Z.

Dear Z.,

Thanks for writing in, and for supporting BetterAsianMan.com!

I actually have to refer you to JT Tran, the creator of the ABCs of Attraction bootcamps. He designed the curriculum, so I really have no clue what his reasoning is there. You can contact him at 888-689-GAME.

I can, however, tell you how the lecture portion of the bootcamp helped me out. There are some things that I learned there that would have been pretty impossible to learn in a nightclub. Intuitively, you might think that you could “just go hang out with your friends” and perhaps “naturally learn how to socialize” or “just be yourself.” And maybe that would work for you, and for a lot of other people out there. For me though, many basic social skills were completely alien to me, especially in a romantic context.

For example, one skill that I learned during the lecture portion of the bootcamp, when I took it back in October of 2007, was how to get a girl’s attention in a way that conveys my interest in her, is confident, and is assertive. If you go to the bookstore and browse through any pick-up artist book (even the age-old classic The Game), you’ll see explanations of something called a “kino turn.” This is really just a fancy term for assertively touching a girl on the top of her shoulder for just a brief second or two to get her attention, turn her around, and then say “Hi!”. Sounds simple right? Well, for me, this was the most difficult, nerve wracking, complicated thing in the universe. Thankfully, during the lecture portion of the bootcamp, my instructor showed me step-by-step exactly how to do this. How to put my hand on a girl’s shoulder in a way that is confident and assertive. How to properly distance myself so that I’m not too close, but not too far away. How to make eye contact in a way that is relaxed and confident. For many guys out there, none of these specific details need to be explained because they can just “be natural” and they have no problems meeting girls. I, on the other hand, have never been able to “be natural.” I had to be taught how to do each of these individual things, just so that I could get to the point where I can say “hi” to a girl that I’m attracted to.

If this sounds pathetic, that’s because I was indeed very pathetic. I worked my ass of to learn how to walk up to a girl and do this in a confident, assertive, and fun way, and then I worked my ass off even more to learn how to move forward with the interaction and get a date with the girl. This is exactly how I met my girlfriend, who I love very much and with whom I’ve been exclusively dating for more than three years now.

Now, please allow me to turn the question back on you– do you know everything that you need to know in order to meet, attract, and date the women that you choose? I’m not talking about a chance encounter, getting lucky, having someone introduce you to a girl, or dating someone who is already in your social circle. I’m talking about going up to a girl who you think is beautiful and asking her out on a date in a way that is confident, adventurous, and fun. Can you do that? Also, with regards to those chance encounters, getting lucky, having someone introduce you to a girl, or dating someone who is already in your social circle– do you know what you need to do in those situations too? If yes, then I wish you all the best in your endeavors. If not, then perhaps you’ll consider doing what I did, and signing up for an ABCs of Attraction bootcamp. It’s up to you.

-William

What’s up people? We have just recently migrated to a new provider with all kinds of features and conveniences that make it easier for me to post content for you guys. So, as I go through the process of migrating the essays, podcasts, and interviews from the old server to the new server, you may notice that some of the historical content is not currently visible. But don’t worry! Every single essay, podcast, and interview, has been systematically archived and catalogued, and will be migrated over here in due time. I’ll always be here for you to refer to, and to hopefully use as a springboard for inspiration as you move forward in your own life and find your own adventures.

As a side note, I have to say thanks again to all of you who have been so supportive of this website. The personal experiences and thoughts that many have you have shared with me over the years has been very touching and inspiring and is like the icing on the cake for me. As I have been migrating the old content here to the new server, I’ve been re-reading the essays that I wrote on this website more than 3 years ago. As I read these historical artifacts from my life, I am really amazed at how timeless that stuff is. The struggles, inner conflicts, and challenges that I described are still just as pertinent today as they were three years ago in that every man must face those challenges and overcome them before he can truly call himself a man. I hope that you too will go on to write about how you overcame your own struggles in your own life, share them with others, and inspire them to go on to seek their own solutions.

-William

Dear Better Asian Man,

I’ve listened to your podcast since 2009. It helped me tremendously.

Thank you very much for creating this podcast. I truly appreciate your time, effort and energy in giving back to other Asian American men in an area that is vastly under served.

U.

Dear U.,

Thank you for writing in, and for supporting betterasianman.wordpress.com! Running this website has been a journey that I have found to be greatly fulfilling, and I am really happy to hear that I have had a positive influence in your life. As you move forward and discover your own adventures, I invite you to return to share your experiences so that you can be an inspiration to someone else just as I have been to you.

-William

Thanks so much for supporting this website. It’s really been a wonderful year for me, and I hope that you have gained some benefit from the information and perspective provided here. I can recall waaaaaaaay back in the day, when my new year’s resolution was to learn how to get better with women. During the four years that have passed since then, I’ve achieved that goal, and so many more, and as of last year, my girlfriend and I set goals that we want to achieve together. I know, it’s crazy, right?

Being in a relationship is really great. However, we an talk all day until we’re blue in the face about how awesome relationships are but that won’t count for shit if you can’t first meet, attract, and date lots and lots of women with regularity. And the only way that I know of to learn how to do that effectively, with the right fundamental skills, and with the right principles, is by taking an ABCs of Attraction bootcamp. So if you reading this and you haven’t yet mastered those skills, perhaps you’ll consider making that your New Year’s Resolution for 2012.

-William

Yellow Green Beret, Volume I

Wong provides plenty of anecdotes that have a humorous feel to them and are highly entertaining, but anyone labeling this as a “funny” or “light hearted” book would be making a sorely mistaken over-simplification. Wong’s depth of understanding of the human condition is expansive, and he demonstrates this in his narration of the various events and experiences that he persevered through on his own, as well as the experiences he shared alongside his friends, colleagues, and fellow servicemen. In each chapter of Yellow Green Beret (Volume I), Wong effortlessly connects seemingly disparate topics into a single unit that serves to demonstrate a specific lesson, goal, or realization that he arrived at during that particular phase of his life experience. What do wilderness survival, meth dealers, smelly dudes cuddling together for body warmth, and, um….. Papa John’s Pizza have to do with each other? You’ll just have to read it to find out.

I am no warrior– far from it. I know next to nothing about the American military, how its structured, what our nation’s soldiers do to protect our country, and quite frankly, I never really cared. As is evident by 99% of the material you see in my essays and podcasts, the only real struggle I have dealt with in my lifetime has been figuring out how to get better with women, and how to overcome my extreme loneliness and depression (which, at the time, seemed insurmountable to me in the feeble state that I was in). Reading about the ordeals– emotional, mental, and physical– that Wong had to go through in order to stand side-by-side with some of the most highly trained soldiers was completely mind-blowing to me. As I read the details of what a fellow Asian American man went through during this same time period (note: I’m just guessing that we are about the same age based on the cultural references made in the book), I can only say that if I were in the same room with this guy I would definitely feel inadequate standing next to him. Yes, being lonely sucks, having zero skills with women sucks, being able to only go out on 2 dates per year, on average, over the course of my entire life really really sucks, but can you imagine going for a hike through a mountain range with 100+ lbs of gear, every day, for multiple days, only being able to eat what is basically about 2 slices of Oscar Meyer’s ham? Can you imagine going through a training that is so demanding that you will bring yourself to consume the contents of a salt packet? Do you know how hungry you have to be in order to WANT to do that? Then, can you imagine going to war and being in a nearly similar situation for real? I haven’t, and I probably never will, and its thanks to guys like Wong to take care of those things for me, and for all of us. This is what has afforded me the luxury of being able to have loneliness and romantic ineptitude be the only things I needed to worry about in life.

It is only in the title of this volume, and in a few short sentences in the epilogue that you will find any specific reference to Wong’s “Asian-ness” or anything specifically addressing Asian American issues. I recall, waaaaaayy back in my days prior to my transition period, when I was seriously confused about my “identity as an Asian American” (and also seriously confused about how the hell I was supposed to ever even talk to a girl, much less romantically connect with one), I could see myself getting my panties in a bunch over something as myopic as “but he doesn’t address what it means to be an Asian American in the military!!”. I recall being in many conversations with many of my peers regarding various Asian men that were visible in mainstream media such as Yul Kwon, Masi Oka, Jackie Chan, etc., and how we would be all riled up that they, in one way or
another, didn’t live up to some expectation we had of how a publicly visible Asian man should address Asian American issues and “represent Asian American Men.” However, in the case of Chester Wong, there is no question in my mind that just knowing that he is Asian American from the title and byline of the book is more than enough representation for me. In one anecdote, Wong describes his working relationship with the the leader of a foreign military unit in Kurdistan, and over the course of the long and complex story arc that he unfolds for us, it is evident to me that Wong is the quintessential role model that all Asian American men can look up to. Even after re-reading that particular section twice, I am still amazed at all of the things that Wong did during that period– establishing a relationship of trust with a foreign military leader, training a foreign military unit, facing a full range of successes, failures, obstacles, navigating the complex politics and social hierarchy of a foreign nation, planning and executing complex military operations, enjoying the highs of situations that worked out well, and dealing with the ramifications of situations that did not work out well. For many of us, accomplishing so many things at a similar level of complexity could not be achieved in an entire lifetime, or even in multiple lifetimes. Wong is simultaneously an untouchable hero that I can’t imagine holding a candle to, and at the same time he is unmistakably human and relates his story with a humility that makes me feel that he is addressing his writing specifically to me.

I am honored to have the chance to read this book, I’m really happy to share my thoughts on it with all of you fine people. I have recently started a new section on this website called “Manly Skills,” and as much as I’m enjoying writing about my personal experiences and perspectives on manliness, I’d like to suggest that you read about what Wong has done in his life as an extremely high, if not impossibly high, goal to set for yourself in terms of what you could do in your own life to improve your own Manly Skills. Sure, you might not be able to consistently knock out your peers in a boxing match, but you can understand, imitate, and unleash the same drive within yourself that Wong describes in his experiences with boxing at West Point (Manly Skills: Ambition, Competitive Spirit). You might not be able to survive 28 days in a frozen winter forest environment without a single ounce of food, but you can understand, imitate, and unleash the potential within you to set your sights on a goal, and see it through to the end (even if you fail the first time and have to try again) in order to bring yourself to a higher place in your education, profession, training, or life (Manly Skill: Determination). You might not be able to hike through a harsh mountain range all day, for multiple days, with only the equivalent of 2 slices of Oscar Meyer ham to eat each day while carrying 100+ lbs of gear, but you certainly can take the essence of that lesson and push yourself and your physical limits as far as they can go, and then work even harder to bring yourself to the next level past that (Manly Skill: Physical Dominance).

You’ve been waiting for more strong, dominant, and alpha Asian American men to look up to, and now, you have one more to add to your list. Visit www.yellowgreenberet.com today and pick up your copy of Yellow Green Beret (Volume I).

So, that brings me to today’s question & answer session, with a few questions sent in to me at betterasianman@yahoo.com. The subject of today’s podcast is very close to my heart as it hits on one of the questions that came up in my mind as I was going through that period of questions, mixed thoughts, mixed feelings, and tons of rationalizations as to whether or not I “needed” to take a bootcamp. That said, let’s dig right into the heart of the matter:

Dear Better Asian Man,

Do students of ABCs of Attraction bootcamps ever get girlfriends? I see a lot of photos on the Facebook fan page of guys with random girls, but what about real girlfriends?

-Anonymous

Click here to download this podcast.

What do you talk about when you talk to girls?

Click Here to download this podcast.

The phrase “Lasting Contributions to Society” has a different meaning for everyone, but for me, this pillar is all about volunteer work. For me, volunteer work has to be 1) something that I enjoy doing, and 2) something that will have a lasting positive impact on society. Prior to taking the ABCs of Attraction bootcamp, and also prior to my transition period, I did some volunteer work, but I couldn’t “feel” that much fulfillment in it because I was empty inside. I was lonely. I was depressed. Thus, even though I was able to do a lot of volunteer work, my heart wasn’t in it the way I believe it should be.

Now that I have overcome those obstacles and have gotten through my transition period, I have plenty of romance in my life, plenty of awesome friends in my life, and I am “full” inside. This allowed me to look out into the world, and at my volunteer work, with a whole new perspective. One of the basic principles taught during the ABCs of Attraction bootcamp, which I now very much believe in and live to the fullest, is that a man should be the leader of his own life and actively choose his course in life, rather than passively existing. I later became a coach for the ABCs of Attraction, and as part of my belief that a man should also practice what he preaches, I set out on a path to choose the area of volunteer work I wanted to pursue, and I wanted to choose a type of volunteer work that would provide a lasting contribution to society.

So, after doing some research, I decided to join a volunteer ambulance team. I am happy to say that I have been a member of a volunteer ambulance team for a while now, and I am really enjoying it. It was a long process to get to where I am, but I made it, and I’m doing what I set out to do. The process involved 5-months of evening classes, a state certification exam, followed by a lengthy application process to get into a volunteer ambulance team. Now that I’m here, I have to say it’s pretty awesome. I love the people that I volunteer with, and I enjoy being a part of the first line of Emergency Response to people in the community. It’s truly awesome.

If you were once like me– romantically inept and utterly unable to meet and date girls, but then overcame those obstacles and are happy with your romantic life, then I challenge you to think about what “Lasting Contributions to Society” means to you. Will you work on this aspect of your the 10 pillars of inner strength?

One particular aspect I would like to share with you today is a page out of the “10 Pillars of Inner Strength.” This is a bullet list that I got from the ABCs of Attraction blog which describes 10 things that, if you constantly work on, will help you build “inner strength” and an intrinsic sense of self worth. So the particular item that I have been working on for the past few months is The Spartan Race. I just completed “Spartan Super” this past weekend, and it was so much fun. I ran this 8 mile obstacle course with 2 of my closest friends, and we helped each other throughout the course. It was a truly awesome experience. Of the 10 pillars, this one is the “Competitive Spirit” pillar.

The “Competitive Spirit” means something different for everyone, but for me, it’s all about engaging in some sport or activity that has a definitive goal that must be worked towards because the nature of that activity is that it is challenging in one way or another. Well, the Spartan race is challenging in many ways, and all you need to do is watch the first 10 seconds of any race video on their website and you’ll see what I mean.

So, as you go on with your daily life after you leave this page, I hope to leave you with a little bit of inspiration to go seek out how you will find, cultivate, and manifest your “Competitive Spirit.” Once you find the sport or activity you want to participate in, I hope you suddenly find yourself changing various aspects of your life for the better– exercising more (or differently than you used to), eating healthier, making your sleep schedule more regular, etc., etc. That’s pretty much what I did in the months before I ran the Spartan Race this weekend, and I’ve already started that process all over again…. to prepare for the Spartan race that my friends and I will be competing in next year

Dear Better Asian Man,

Just wanted to drop an e-mail to let your know that I’ve been enjoying your podcasts. I think its awesome that you are trying to help Asian American men improve all aspects of their life.

Like most of your listeners I am an Asian American trying to improve my game. I have been reading a lot of PUA material in the past few weeks, but I haven’t had a lot of time to go out into the field.

The question I have is about defending yourself when you are being insulted by guy who is trying to cock-block you. I have never been able to verbally defend myself very well, and I think its because no one ever taught me how.

Thanks! And keep up the great work. If I can do anything to help out the podcast let me know. Talk to you soon bro.

Shadow

Shadow,

Thanks for reaching out to me, and for supporting this website. I WILL be writing, in an upcoming blog entry, about the many experiences I’ve had in my life where guys have gone out of their way to cock block me while I’m out at a lounge trying to meet girls. I am very happy to share with you what my life was like before I took my bootcamp, and what it is like now that I’ve completed my bootcamp with the ABCs of Attraction. Trust me, that’s happened to me more times than you can count (it happens at least 2 times on any given night that I go out to meet girls). However, with regards to the specific tactics, I will have to ask you to contact The Asian Playboy directly at this link.

-William

I detailed in this blog entry how I am a nerd. I don’t think that my being a nerd was a bad thing. I still am a nerd now, and I feel fine. However, I believe that the only reason why I feel fine being a nerd now is because I’m really good with women, and my romance life has never been more fulfilling than it is now (now that I’ve completed my ABCs of Attraction 3-day bootcamp seminar). I was once a nerd who was NOT good with women, and I would hang on to any girl who would show any romantic interest in me, even if I was treated poorly by that girl (see the ABOUT section for more detail). I simply thought things to myself like this:

1. This is how it’s supposed to be.
2. That’s just the way life is.
3. I could never be with a better girl.
4. I could never be with a prettier girl.
5. I have no clue if I’ll ever meet another girl for another 2 years if things don’t work out, so I will appease this girl and answer her every whim.

Each of these statements were things that I would repeat in my own head all the time– I actually thought that they were true. I now understand, though, that none of them are true in my life now because I have one thing now that I never had before:

Choice.

I now have the ability, the skills, and the confidence to go out and find, meet, and romantically connect with lots of women.

Now, when I go through my daily life, I don’t have to think “this is the way life is” with regards to any girl that I’m dating. I also have no need to think the opposite, which is “I can find something better.” I am at a point in my life now, after learning the lessons of the ABCs of Attraction, where I can, in any romance that I’m in, simply enjoy the process of getting to know a girl and enjoy every aspect of the romance in every way. I can simply live in the moment. Why? Because I know in my head that I will never have a problem meeting another woman ever again for the rest of my life. It’s not about “finding something better,” it’s about seeking a fulfilling relationship. Romance is not something that causes me any anxiety as it once did. I literally DID NOT KNOW if I would EVER meet another girl ever again if things didn’t work out with the girl I was with. That’s how I got my awesome track record of meeting so few girls in the past (see the ABOUT section for more detail). I never had choices.

The main reason why I didn’t have choices and dating options is because:

I was afraid to make myself a better man.

Straight up. I was afraid. I was so afraid of making myself into a better man that I repeatedly said these things to myself:

1. I don’t need to make my wardrobe better; any girl I meet should like me for who I am, not for the clothes I wear.
2. I don’t need to get a better hair cut (I used to get really cheap $12.00 hair cuts); any girl I meet should like me for who I am, not for what my hair looks like.
3. I don’t need to refine my conversational and flirtaiton skills with women; any girl I meet should like me for who I am, not for how good of a small-talk conversationalist / flirt I am.
4. I don’t need to learn how to become a better and more skilled lover. Any girl I meet should like me for who I am as a person, not how sexually experienced I am or how good of a lover I am.
5. I don’t need to have cool hobbies like team sports, photography, hiking, and I don’t need to do cool adventurous things like surfing, hang-gliding, skydiving, and horseback riding. Any girl I meet should like me for who I am, even though the only hobby I have is playing Starcraft and Halo 3.

I lived this way for 29 years. No wonder no girls wanted to date me! As a result of my above-listed belief system, I became a guy who:

1. Did not dress fashionably
2. Did not have a good-looking haircut
3. Had poor conversational and flirtation skills, and had no clue how to flirt with women
4. Was not a very good lover.
5. Had no cool hobbies (and thus did not have a cool lifestyle)

I can’t think of any girl who wants to be with a guy like this. And so, I now understand very clearly why I had practically zero dating options for the first 29 years of my life. I also now understand very clearly why I will never have a problem getting a date for the rest of my life. It is because:

I am no longer afraid to make myself a Better Asian Man.

What the hell is replication value, and why is it important? Well, women are attracted to two things in a man:

1. Survival Value
   Can this man provide food and shelter for me and my children?
2. Replication Value
   Does this man have good genes? If I start a family with him, will our offspring have good genes, and thus be able to survive? (i.e. handsome physical attributes, charismatic personality, adventurous personality, leadership personality, etc.)

I have survival value totally on lock-down. I’m an Asian American guy, so by default, most people around me assume that I’m employed in a “safe” profession: computer engineering, computer hardware, law, medicine, accounting, etc. Of the very few dates that I’ve gone out with girls on (see the about section), many of them told me that they “thought I was a very [financially] stable guy,” and that they “thought I was a very long-term kind of guy.” For better or for worse, that’s what a lot of these girls thought of me. They thought that I had a lot of survival value. I didn’t quite understand what this implied, until I turned 29 and took my ABCs of Attraction bootcamp. (Note to reader: I DO believe that there are other ways to come to this realization in a _tangible_ way, but I had been unable to find one for the first 29 years of my life. If you have some tips, send them to betterasianman@yahoo.com)

Now, after I took my bootcamp, I learned that this implied that I was basically only half of a man in their eyes.

Prior to my bootcamp, I had often heard people say things like,

“a lot of girls would never date an Asian American man, but many of them would marry one.”

I spent a good 5 years of my life participating in Asian American activism in an effort to fight some kind of war against modern-day mainstream American media because I thought that it was the mainstream media stereotypes that were causing me to have less of a chance at getting a date than a person who was not Asian American. I really believed that the mainstream media’s portrayal of Asian American men (not sexual, nerdy, wimpy, and lacking in replication value) was what was causing me to be unable to get a date with these girls. To this day I still believe that these mainstream media stereotypes most likely ingrain a negative image of Asian American men into the minds of the women around me in modern-day American society, but I have realized that:

I can STILL create lots of dating choices and opportunities for myself with lots of women, simply by improving myself, and demonstrating to a woman that I have lots of replication value.

I started doing this when I turned 30 (shortly after taking my ABCs of Attraction bootcamp), and my love life has never been more full of dating choices and romantic options. I started doing all sorts of activities that demonstrate the replication value that was always inside me all along– that I’m adventurous, that I’m charismatic, that I’m good with people, that I’m good with women, that I’m a good leader. It is important for me to note that there is one replication value that I am completely powerless to change, and that is my physical characteristics. However, I have done many things to augment my physical characteristics by doing the following things:

1. Wearing cowboy boots (adds about 1 inch to my height)
2. Changing my hairstyle so that it makes me look taller (effectively adds .75 inches to my height
3. Improving my posture and making sure I work out my back muscles (overall just gives off the feeling to the woman that I’m a little taller than I really am)
4. Implemented all steps outlined in The Acne Cure on a consistent daily basis
5. Dress well, and wear cologne all the time

I’m never going to be as good looking as white-boy Abercrombie and Fitch models, but I’ve done a lot of things to make myself look as good as I possibly can. The other aspects of replication value that I’ve been working on:

1. Leadership personality
2. Charismatic personality
3. Good with people
4. Good with women
5. Adventurous personality

Have one thing in common:

They can be learned and improved upon if you work at it!

Quite frankly, it’s a great system, as far as I can see. Women are pre-disposed to weed out potential sexual partners who don’t have sufficient replication value. That’s why those girls said that that I was “long term” and “stable,” but they simply wouldn’t consider dating me. And that’s precisely why, at the point that I’m in life right now, lots of girls want to date me AND would also consider me long term. I work on my replication value all the time! For example, I just discovered this past weekend that I really love surfing. It’s so much fun, it’s a very adventurous thing to do, and it not only makes my life more fulfilling for myself, the fact that I enjoy doing this and will be doing it on a regular basis actually conveys lots of replication value.

Dear Better Asian Man,

-Shadow

Dear Shadow,

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I finally feel that at least one person (i.e., you) truly understands the purpose of www.betterasianman.com; you get what I’m trying to say 100%. You said “I believe that I have a duty, not only to my self, but to all Asian Americans, to show people that I am an exception to the stereotype and help my fellow Asian Americans to become the exception as well.” That’s precisely what I’m trying to do in my life, and I’m hoping that the information I’ve provided on this website will make it easier for other fellow Asian American brothers to “become the exception.”

There was a time in my life when I actually thought that it was not my responsibility to:

1. Become better with women
2. Make myself a better man
3. Show people that I am an exception to the stereotype
4. Help my fellow Asian American brothers do all of the above

Hell, I even spent 5 years of my life participating in Asian American activism in an effort to fight some kind of war against modern-day mainstream american media because I thought that it was the mainstream media stereotypes that were causing me to have less of a chance at getting a date than a person who was not Asian American (I’ve detailed this subject in this blog entry.) I kept on blaming things outside of myself by saying things like:

1. If other people would just be less racist, I’d have better success with women.
2. If mainstream media portrayed Asian American men as suave, handsome men, I’d have better success with women.
3. If I looked like a White American Abercrombie and Fitch model, I’d have better success with women.
4. If Asian American women would stop dating White American men, I’d have better success with women.
5. If white women were not so brainwashed by mainstream American media that Asian American men are nerdy and asexual beings, then I’d have better success with women.
6. If we didn’t have anymore movies that featured dorky looking Asian American guys, I’d have better success with women.
7. If there were more TV shows that featured Asian American men getting women, I’d have better success with women.

So, as you can see, I made all kinds of excuses for myself. I made all kinds of excuses so that I wouldn’t have to do these things:

1. Become better with women
2. Make myself a better man

Why? Because of this simple fact:

I once had a frail ego.

Yup. I once had a frail ego (a subject that I’ve detailed in this blog entry). Because of that very frail ego that I had, I refused to admit that I needed to take responsibility for my own life, to learn how to become better with women, and to make myself a better man. I’ve done that now, and my romance life is more full of dating options, fun, adventure, and fulfillment than it’s ever been. The one key thing that allowed me to find this fulfillment is taking my ABCs of Attraction 3 day bootcamp seminar. As I mentioned in other blog posts, I DO believe that there are other ways for a person to find this same fulfillment and to become better with women, but I have not yet been able to find one.

Again, thanks for your support, and I look forward to talking with you on an upcoming podcast.

-William

I once had a self esteem problem. I didn’t recognize it at the time, but I did indeed feel the symptoms of it. One of the biggest symptoms of my former low self esteem is:

Paralyzing fear of being rejected by a woman.

I was paralyzed. I was afraid to express my romantic interest in a girl because I was afraid of being rejected. The following thought typically went through my mind:

1. If she doesn’t like me, then I might lose her as a friend.

Later in life, I realized that if I really am romantically interested in a girl, there really is no point in trying to first pretend that I’m not interested in her, and second, attempt to continue a friendship with her under that assumption. But I allowed myself to live in “friendships” like this for many years because I was afraid. There is a complex series of experiences that brought me to this shift in thinking, the most important of which is the very eye-opening experiences and adventures that I created for myself last year. These eye-opening experiences and adventures were made possible in my life due to the knowledge I gained from taking a 3-day bootcamp seminar with the ABCs of Attraction. There may very well be other ways to make a realization like this, but for me, this is what made it all possible. (if you have a better idea, send me your anonymous feedback at betterasianman@yahoo.com). The key component for me in no longer needing to worry if I’ll “lose her as a friend” is this:

Choice

Back in the days before I had come to this realization (and before I had taken my ABCs of Attraction 3-day bootcamp seminar), there was one thing that was common to all of the ladies that I was romantically interested in: they all had choices. They all had several guys going after them all the time. They were very attractive women, so it’s not a surprise that this was the case. So, to tell a guy to “just be friends” at the risk of having him feel rejected and possibly never seeing him again is not so big of a deal. There would be a long line of guys waiting for their turn to date her anyway. She had choices. I never stopped to think that there was a possibility that I could have such choices back in those days.

Fast forward to the present day: for me to tell a girl that I’m romantically interested in her at the risk of having her reject me and possibly never being able to see her again is not so big of a deal. I have choices. Now, this doesn’t mean that I don’t feel disappointed when my romantic advances are turned down by a woman. I’m only human. But my disappointment is appropriate to the situation that I’m in; it is no longer paralyzing as it once was. But there is still no doubt in my mind that having lots of choices and romantic dating options is an important part of this mind-set. I’ve lived on both sides of this wall– I had previously lived a life where I had zero dating options (for more information see the About the Author section), and I now live a life where I have a vast abundance of dating options.

Here’s a brief excerpt:

Much of Asian American political or “empowerment” discussion centers around sexuality: the “interracial” imbalance, the emasculation of males, the sexualization of females, and the distortive effects of this dehumanization on self-esteem and self-identity.

…

In this sense, “empowerment” certainly includes “sexual empowerment” with an eye to becoming a better, more confident, more passionate, more complete, and more loving person. No one could reasonably object to this.

…

So yes, we do need a Better Asian Man, we need a whole hell of a lot of them, and anyone who can help us achieve that with a view to goodness, and culture, and politics, is someone worth having around.

Read the full editorial here.

Dear Better Asian Man,

I’ve downloaded all your podcasts and I am going through them. I’m looking forward to going through all of them; they are informative.

Like you, I have always been able to build comfort, be a good friend to a woman, and build general attraction, but it’s time for me to step it up and build sexual attraction! I’m looking forward to listening to the rest of the podcasts and perhaps joining the show sometimes..

-G-Love

Dear G-Love,

Thanks for your feedback; it really means a lot to me. I was once constantly getting myself into the friend-zone with a girl because I was simply too afraid to put my ego on the line. I was able to come to terms with that and move forward and create better dating options for myself– all the dating options I could possibly ever want. For good or for bad, I didn’t make that realization until I turned 30 and took my 3 day bootcamp-seminar with the ABCs of Attraction, but I hope that this website will help you to make that realization that much sooner. There is no reason why an Asian American Man should have to spend his life not being good with women.

-William

Dear Better Asian Man,

I live in ___, moved with my parents there since I was 11 from Asia. So I’m generation one and a half…I’m __ years old now. The reason why I love to read your stuff is because it’s almost like reading about my own life experiences! I really relate to that stuff. Thank you!

-Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Thanks for your support. I must admit to you that I am very happy to hear that there are other Asian American Men out there like us who want to become better Asian American Men. I believe that all men should strive to make themselves better each day.

Thanks again for reading, and for your support of this website.

-William

Dear Better Asian Man,

Your blog and podcasts are always excellent and encouraging and are like a kind of self-help for Asian American Men everywhere. We really need it.

Your site, and The Asian Playboy’s website (of course), are so needed today. I want you to know that many of us might not post comments to your blog, but that does not mean you are not appreciated.

Lots and lots of Asian American Men read your blogs and download and listen to the podcasts than you can know. Just we can’t all of us register to comment and say thanks is all.

Please continue to do what you guys are doing. You and the ABCs of Attraction are the saviors of the Asian American Male Sexual Revolution/Awakening. You are true social changers and life savers.

-H.T.

Back in the olden days of ancient China, match-making and introductions-to-girls-by-your-parents were all the rage. This sort of mentality prevailed when my parents were married in the mid-1900′s during the uber-traditional days of Taiwan. Taiwan is still very much a traditional Confucian society, but things have evolved somewhat since my parents’ time. The deal was that a man was expected to do well in school, get a good job, and the family would take on the responsibility of finding an “outstanding girl” for you to date. (God, that phrase, which my parents used, makes my whole body just cringe.) But really, all an Asian Man had to do was to simply improve his academic and professional achievements, and girls would be introduced to him. All he had to do was to focus on merit-based recognition (a traditional Asian value that I touch upon in this blog entry.

The traditional Asian value system of my parents, which the imposed upon me for my whole life, caused me to mistakenly believe that this traditional Asian value applied in modern-day American society:

Merit-based recognition is more important than individuality and personal-expression based recognition

This value makes perfect in the context of the old-school society that my parents were raised in, because in those days, a man’s parents are supposed to take care of making you sound like an “outstanding man” and find an “outstanding girl” for you to date. So, um, yeah… that sort of mentality was a highly effective dating strategy in the mid-1900′s in Asia, but a completely disastrous dating strategy in modern-day American society for the Asian American man (side note: this mentality has absolutely no negative effects on the dating life of an Asian American woman, but that is a topic I will discuss in a future blog entry. You will definitely want to read that one.) This kind of mentality raised me to believe that my circumstances (i.e., the supreme dating tradition of Asia) would take care of me, and that if I just had faith in it, got good grades, and got a good job, that an “outstanding girl” would be introduced to me. That never happened.

This mentality, ingrained in my psyche throughout my upbringing, actually permeated other areas of my life, and I became beholden to circumstance in other things, such as my profession. There was once a time when I did not think I needed to actively seek out promotions, raises, and bonuses because, again, I was following the age-old traditional Asian value that I was brought up with:

Merit-based recognition is more important than individuality and personal-expression based recognition

…and that I’d simply get recognized for doing a good job– a recipe for disaster. Beholden to circumstance indeed.

When I turned 30, I took a 3-day bootcamp-seminar with The ABCs of Attraction, and my whole mentality flipped. I no longer needed to be beholden to circumstance in my love life. I have all the social skills, charisma, and personality that I need in order to convey myself to women in a way that women understand and can relate to. (I actually had all of these social skills, personality, and charisma within me even before I took my 3-day bootcamp; the ABCs of Attraction coaches simply showed me how to better present and convey all of it to women in a way that was gentlemanly and smooth). Prior to taking my bootcamp, I would pathetically hang on to any woman (see About the Author) that would date me because I simply didn’t know how to be a man, approach women, and increase my own dating options for myself. I broke through the barriers of those circumstances.

I am no longer beholden to circumstance.

I am sure that there are other ways for Asian American men to experience a similar break-through, but I was unable to find one. If you know of a better way, please send me your anonymous tips to betterasianman@yahoo.com.

Dear Better Asian Man,

I’ve been a long time supporter of your work.

Here is a big question I’m sure you’ve gotten, but as an East Asian guy, is it worth trying to approach white chicks for the purpose of trying to fully-romantically-connect with them if I got less than 5 inches and not that thick dick? More than 4, less than 5. I don’t wanna misrepresent Asian guys and perpetuate that fucked up and annoying stereotype that always gets pulled up on us. So if not, then i’ll just stick to Chinese chicks. What your honest advice? I don’t just want to hear, Go ahead – btw, join our bootcamp! To get money. Though I know you guys are not that type and really want to help the Asian brothers out. But I still need an honest response, ya know?

Anyways, on to the other part of this: I want to issue a (friendly) challenge to The Asian Playboy, and the rest of the East Asians on your team:

“Can any of you guys successfully fully romantically connect with the Czech/Italian Model and ex-physical therapist in SoCal, Denise Milani (real name Denise Jakobi) ?”

There. I officially issue a friendly challenge. I wish you all the best, and keep growing, guys! We need more Asian men like you doing what you do and rising to boost yourselves and helping other Asian men get out of their social-mental matrix and game on harder than the others. You’re all thereby doing so much for the image also, of Asian Men worldwide. All the props and power to you!

-H.T.

Dear H.T.,

Thanks for sending us your questions and comments, and for supporting this website.

Your first question, if I understand it correctly, is asking me whether or not I think it’s “worth it” to approach a white woman with the end-goal of trying to fully-romantically-connect with her despite the size of your manhood. Quite frankly, H.T., I don’t see any relationship between these two subjects. Unfortunately, the decision of whether or not it’s “worth it” to approach someone is your individual choice alone, so I’m really unable to advise you here. With regards to your end-goal, it is again only you that can decide if this is a worthy end-goal, because it’s your life. Finally, on the subject of the size of your manhood, I must admit to you that I am uncertain how that relates to any of this.

With regards to your challenge, I’m going to have to pass on that one.

-William

I was once satisfied with living a life of mediocrity, and I once made excuses upon excuses to rationalize my total inaction– inaction in terms of aggressively pursuing various professional aspirations, and inaction in terms of meeting the woman of my dreams.

Mediocrity

I, up to the age of 29, have lived a life of mediocrity. I once believed in a fundamental Asian value:

The nail that stands out gets hammered down.

Because I was raised with this fundamental value drilled into my mind, I was satisfied with mediocre raises, bonuses, and promotions. I was once satisfied with “whatever I was given” in the professional world. For a large part of my life, I did not know that the employee who stands out is actually the one who gets the most attention, the best raises, the best bonuses, and the best promotions. Being content is one of the greatest enemy of me. Why? Because in the professional world in the U.S., no one ever got a promotion by being “noticed.” I only started getting massive increases in salary when I started actively making myself stand out. I only started getting opportunities to work on the best and most interesting projects when I started actively making myself stand out.

There is an equal and opposite Western value:

The squeaky wheel gets the oil.

I always knew about this equal and opposite Western value, but it wasn’t drilled into my head as much as the Asian value was. I constantly was afraid to be the “nail that stands out,” and, as a result, in the professional world, I simply never stood out….. and I never got the raises, bonuses, and promotions.

Inaction

I, up to the age of 29, once believed in the fundamental Asian value:

The nail that stands out gets hammered down.

Because of this value, which was drilled into my head over and over and over again during my childhood years, I was perfectly okay with total inaction whenever I saw a girl that I wanted to talk to. I simply didn’t want to stand out. Then, if for some reason I was able to become friends with a girl, I didn’t want to “make a move” on her romantically (and thus stand out) because I didn’t want to “lose” her as a friend. Side note: Much later in life, after I took my ABCs of Attraction bootcamp, I realized that I MUCH prefer to lose a female friend so that I can gain dignity.

Prior to turning 29 (and taking my ABCs of Attraction 3-day bootcamp seminar), I used the following excuses for not approaching a girl that I was attracted to:

1. She’s too hot for me.
2. She’s out of my league.
3. A girl like that would never go for a guy like me.
4. I’m not tall/good-looking/handsome/charming/charismatic enough to talk to her.
5. I don’t want to interrupt her while she’s hanging out with her friends.
6. She didn’t look at me or give me any “signals” yet. I shouldn’t try to talk to her until she notices me first.
7. I can’t go over and talk to her. I’m too nervous.
8. I’m too old to do this.
9. I can’t go over and talk to her. I need a drink first.
10. I don’t want to go to lounges and bars to meet girls because it’s too loud in there.
11. I don’t want to go to lounges and bars to meet girls because those are not the type of girls I want to meet.
12. I can’t approach her– this isn’t a lounge; it’s a supermarket! You’re not supposed to try to meet girls in a supermarket!
13. I can’t approach her in broad daylight in the park! It’s so weird!
14. I shouldn’t try to date within my social circle, it will make it too weird for everyone else.
15. I can’t approach with my friends around, I don’t want to be seen as the guy that gets rejected
16. I am not interested in her (Even though I’ve checked her out about 7 times in the last 2 minutes
17. I don’t want to creep her out
18. I can’t approach her, every one will think I am hitting on her
19. I can’t approach her, she probably already has a boyfriend.
20. She probably doesn’t date Asian American guys.

As you can see, I had quite an extensive list of excuses that I made for myself so that I could make myself feel better for not talking to a girl that I was attracted to. I didn’t even say “hi!” (Question to my readers: Is there anything really wrong with saying “hi” to someone? Send me your anonymous feedback at editor@betterasianman.com) I rationalized so well, that I never talked to girls– EVER! It was a great system. And, if you look at the last few items on that list, I set everything up perfectly in my mind so that it was conveniently too awkward to talk to girls at night in lounges and bars, AND, it was also too awkward to talk to girls during the daytime! As you can see, I was pretty good at coming up with reasons to not talk to girls. I didn’t even try. The fundamental reason for why I did this to myself is this:

I once had a frail ego.

You see, after I took my ABCs of Attraction 3-day bootcamp seminar, I learned how to come to grips with my over-blown, yet tremendously frail ego. It was this aspect of my personality that prevented me from feeling comfortable with going up to a beautiful girl and letting her know that I’m romantically interested in her. I had all kinds of social anxiety and social awkwardness that all stemmed from this one aspect of my personality: my tremendously frail ego. Because of that, I was satisfied with mediocrity. I was satisfied with inaction.

After I took my ABCs of Attraction 3-day bootcamp seminar, none of the above listed excuses ever enters my mind. I have learned that each of those “barriers” was actually only in my head. I have broken down each of those barriers, and I have, in my life, demonstrated to myself that not a single item on that list is an impediment to preventing me from talking to a beautiful girl and romantically connecting with her.

Dear Better Asian Man,

I’m not exactly sure how I stumbled upon your site, but I’m glad I did. It could be from the fighting44s site or Johnny Wolf’s or Asian Playboy (via another pua site), but what matters is I found it. Or maybe it found me. You seem to have your act together and I feel your site is a great service to the Asian American male psyche. To paraphrase, the definition of madness is doing the same things all the time expecting different results. This in a nutshell has become my social situation for years now. Somehow I went from being a pretty outgoing and fun person to someone who slightly suffers from social anxiety, while developing anti-social tendencies. Rather than going out, I just became a shut-in. I rationalized it was best because I would be better financially. You don’t go out, you don’t spend money. Pretty simple. Of course the rational was flawed because it neglected “life balances.” Over time people stop calling and eventually you’re by yourself due to your own actions. Like yourself, I have parental issues, but I’m not going to get into that here because it’ll be a 500 page thesis.

Maybe inaction and mediocrity are the greater evils to the Asian male. For me, I always had preferences from music (Smiths, Joy Division, The Cure, Interpol), sports (Mets, Bears, UNC Tar Heels, Arsenal), authors (Chuck Palahniuk, Nick Hornby, Harlan Ellison), movies (Fight Club, High Fidelity, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), and Women (Brunette, slim waist, and sizable breasts). Okay I lied, big breasts. The point I’m trying to make is with inaction, you’re left being a spectator and it’s time to actually start participating. It is one thing to know what you like, but you have to “like” to get it started.

I just don’t want to sit on the sidelines anymore. I’m almost 30 and I don’t want it to suck like the most of my 20s. Thanks for listening and for your site.

-Malik

Malik,

Thanks for your feedback and for your support. When I started doing this, I wasn’t sure how it would be received by people. I am happy that my podcast and blog are having a positive influence in your life. If you have any other questions or comments, feel free to send them my way.

-William

1. that white women would not date me because mainstream media portrayed Asian American men as non-sexual beings, socially retarted individuals, and sexually awkward lovers.
2. that Asian American women would not date me because mainstream media constantly portrayed Asian American women with white men. Never would an Asian American man be shown as a romantic interest for an Asian American woman
3. that in the modern-day American dating scene, I was inferior to white men

These beliefs were drilled so far into my head by the constant barrage of images I have seen for the first 29 years of my life that I truly believed that these limitations existed. I made them real. I saw images that supported these limiting beliefs in TV, movies, print ads, magazines, billboards, and various forms of pornography. These limiting beliefs completely ruled the first 29 years of my life, and they prevented me from even TRYING to ask women out on a date. Yes, I was a pretty pathetic individual indeed. These three limiting beliefs gave me all kinds of convenient excuses to NOT approach beautiful women, and thus protect my frail ego.

I spent 4-5 years of my life using my energy towards something positive– Asian American activism. I was convinced that by pointing out, in a logical & literary way, the fundamental flaws of how Asian American male sexuality was portrayed in the mainstream media, that I could somehow make people realize how oppressed I was, and that somehow my love life would magically get better. Perhaps I was merely oppressing myself even more by doing this. I’m really not sure. But what I do know for sure is that those days are over now. Those days of believing all of those limiting beliefs are dead and buried, and I now have these real life experiences:

1. I have approached and dated all kinds of women (white, Asian American, black, latino) that I’ve always seen white men with– women who I previously thought would ONLY ever be with white men because I, in my own mind, believed that I was inferior to white men in the world of modern-day American dating.
2. I have dated many women outside of my social circle.

Quite a change from the previous list of limiting beliefs, wouldn’t you say?

This was made possible by a lot of hard work, introspection, self-improvement, and a systematic implementation of the lessons I learned during my ABCs of Attraction 3-day bootcamp seminar. The bootcamp was not a magic pill by any means, though. All that bootcamp served to do was to provide me with some information and perspective on how to really first get to know myself, and secondly it showed me how to convey myself to a woman in a way that a woman would understand. I simply didn’t know how to do that. In addition to being totally clueless on how to do that, I was also focusing all of my free time and energy on Asian American activism. Not that it’s a bad thing to be an Asian American activist, but I will be the first one to admit that I’m enjoying life much more now that I’m taking steps to improve my love life, rather than explaining to other people on the internet why the mainstream media has screwed up my love life.

Yes, the negative mainstream media stereotypes of Asian American men had a real psychological impact on me and I was completely paralyzed as a result of them (and also because of the limiting beliefs that I allowed to pollute my mind). However, I took steps to overcome them, and my love life is more fulfilling than it ever has been. I took a 3-day bootcamp seminar with The ABCs of Attraction in an effort to take steps to regain control of my love life and become a Better Asian Man. Have you found a better way to go about this? Send your anonymous feedback to betterasianman@yahoo.com

That’s right, I had zero preferences– for anything. Music, books, television shows, movies, famous people, etc. When asked what kind of music I liked, I would simply say, “whatever is on the radio,” or “whatever is on Z100.” Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, except that it simply shows a total lack of preferences. To this day I still like listening to the radio, but in addition to that I have lots of artists that I really like, and a lot of artists that I really hate. There are so many things to choose from, that the act of choosing certain artists that I prefer actually shows a small part of who I am. This principle holds true for music, books, television shows, movies, food, travel destinations, recreational activities, etc.

For me, part of the reason for this mentality was the constant battering that I endured from my mom whenever I tried to indicate some kind of preference, choice, or moral value that differed from her system of values. This is not the only reason, it’s actually only one part of the puzzle. There are others. In any case, by constantly having my instincts contradicted during my formative years, I simply began to force myself to not have any preferences so that I wouldn’t stand out, and thus I wouldn’t have the pain of having my mom tell me what was wrong with me. Yeah, it’s pretty sad, but that’s my life. (Who writes stuff like this on a blog on the internet? Guys like me, who have spent some time trying to grow and mature and be a better person!)

Now, back to preferences! When I first started to wake up and realize that it was ok for me to have preferences and to choose things that didn’t line up with what someone else thought was “good,” I figured out a ton of stuff about myself in the areas of fashion, music, TV, movies, travel destinations, hobbies, and all manner of other things. I have a really quirky taste in music! I like these seemingly unrelated things:

1. Led Zeppelin
2. Jimi Hendrix
3. 70′s disco music, like the Bee Gees
4. old school hip hop, like A Tribe Called Quest
5. Opera (example: The Marriage of Figaro)
6. Big Band Swing music!!
7. some music from the 80′s

There are certain songs within these genres that I could just listen to a million times over and never get tired of them! Here’s one:

Your Love, by the Outfield

Man, I love that song.

Why does this matter?

The enemy of the Better Asian Man is a lack of preferences. I don’t care of you’re into some weird eclectic shit. There is no way you can differentiate yourself and meet the woman of your dreams if you cannot show her that you have preferences. Now, if you’re a person who grew up with super-traditional Asian parents like mine, you’re probably thinking to yourself:

“Wait a minute, why does it matter if I have preferences or not? Any woman that I meet should like me for who I am, not for what kind of music I listen to.”

The underlying traditional Asian value there is:

Merit-based recognition is better than individuality-based recognition

Man, I love talking about these traditional Asian values, and how they clash with American values. There are so many ways in which these values can completely fuck up a man’s life! Click here for another example! I can’t wait to post another blog entry next week on how this same traditional Asian value affects us Asian American men in the workplace. But back to the subject of meeting women, I have to tell you that yes, it is true that a woman should like you for who you are, but that assumes that you’ve got 3 weeks or more for her to actually get to know you better! That’s nearly impossible! When you meet someone new, you got about 30 seconds to be considered a guy she’d potentially date, and then from that point forward you got about 15-30 minutes to show her how cool you are, if even that. Well actually, the amount of time you get to talk to a girl depends on a whole variety of factors, but I’m just throwing out the 15-30 minutes as a basic average of the amount of time that I usually get to talk to a girl when I meet her for the first time. (Note: have you figured out a way to consistently talk to a girl you don’t know for more than 15-30 minutes so that you can get to know each other better? Share your anonymous tips with us at betterasianman@yahoo.com)

Keep up the good work,
Jive

—————–
Dear Jive,

Thanks for supporting our podcast and website! We are constantly on the prowl for new research, apparel, activities, and nightlife venues that you can use to improve your lifestyle, and we are glad that you’re enjoying the content we’ve provided to you thus far.

Regarding the ABC of Attraction bootcamp programs, if you’d like to request for the ABCs of Attraction to visit a particular city, please contact the ABCs of Attraction directly through their website, www.abcofattraction.com

Thanks again for supporting us, and we hope to talk with you on an upcoming podcast episode!

-William

Anonymous

——-

Dear Anonymous,

Thanks for your support. I did take an ABC bootcamp, but I do not praise JT.

In all of my entries (see blog category: “One Asian American Man’s Life”), you’ll notice that I always tie the context of the way I used to be before taking my bootcamp, to the way I am after taking my bootcamp, while simultaneously highlighting the specific cultural value clashes which caused my confusion, and how all of that confusion cleared up when I finally figured out how to “just be myself” after taking the bootcamp.

While it is true that there are many other ways for a person to learn how to “just be himself,” for me, the ABCs of Attraction bootcamp is what helped me get there. If anyone else has gone through similar things in life as I have, and have found a way to successfully overcome the obstacles I’ve indicated in my blog entries, I would love to hear those means and methods.

I believe that all men should always seek to improve themselves, but that doesn’t mean that they have to do it the way I have, and that certainly doesn’t mean that they have to take a bootcamp. If you’ve found an alternate way to improve yourself, please help a brother out by sharing it with me so I can post it on this website.

Anonymous, thanks again for supporting us!

-William

My mom is a super-traditional Asian mother. In keeping with her super-traditional nature, she lives by a strict Confucian code of ethics. At the core of this value system:

* The morality of one’s superior shall always super-cede the morality of oneself.

This means that the judgement of what is right or wrong, and what is good or bad for you shall never be determined by you, but by your superior. In this situation, the things that I think are “good” or “bad” could never be determined by me. My mom would constantly impose her value system on me (she still does this to this day), and if I thought something was “good,” but she thought it was “bad,” then there was automatically something wrong with me. I would literally get my head bitten off for having a moral value that was different from hers. This could be something really simple, such as how I want to do my hair, and which kind of shoes I chose to wear.

Yesterday I talked about shoes as a general topic related to “expressing one’s individuality,” however, for most Asian American men, I realize that there’s a little more to “expressing” yourself. For many, there is a deep-seated need to seek the approval of their parents. In my case, I constantly sought the approval of my mom because I never had it. Ever. (note: my parents were divorced when I was young so I never knew my father). In a recent conversation, she finally came forward honestly and said that she would never, and will never 100% fully accept me as an individual. She went on to say that no mother, and no person on this planet should ever have to 100% fully accept another individual. Now, I don’t know about you guys, but my future children will never wonder if I 100% accept them or not.

I once had mommy issues because I once sought this kind of unconditional acceptance which I never had, and when I had that one crucial conversation with my mother and came to grips with what she said, I was ok. However, many Asian American men face the same issue, and it is merely a result of a clash between these two things:

1. The traditional Asian value (derived from the teachings of Confucious) that the older person’s value system super-cedes any value system created by the younger person
2. The contemporary American value that individual expression is what makes all of us special, and allows us to distinguish ourselves and get what we want out of life (women, money, friends, etc.).

This cultural clash caused much confusion for me in my life, and thus I, for the majority of my life, felt the need to not stand out, to not express my individuality by wearing clothing and accessories that I thought were cool, or even simply TRYING clothing and accessories that I thought were cool. Anytime I TRIED something new that didn’t conform to my mom’s value system, I would get yelled at and scolded. Anytime I tried to share my feelings about something, and those feelings didn’t conform to my mom’s value system, I would get yelled at and scolded. Anytime I tried to share with my mom why I thought a particular thing was cool, if it didn’t conform to my mom’s value system, I would get yelled at and scolded. So, it’s no wonder to me that I spent most of my life:

1. Not wanting to TRY new clothing and accessiories
2. Not wanting to TRY to do something that’s cool
3. Not feeling comfortable sharing my feelings, and taking a risk to say, for example, tell a girl that I’m romantically interested in her

The last one of these three was the most crippling one. However, when I turned 29, and I took my ABCs of Attraction 3-day bootcamp seminar, I learned how to take that risk, and express my romantic interest in a girl. I learned how to overcome that sexual anxiety and how to truly “be myself.” I recall countless love interests in my past saying, “just be yourself.” For women, since women generally have a higher emotional intelligence than men, I’m sure that this phrase is self-explanatory. However, for me, being the dumb guy that I once was, “just being myself” was a phrase which I simply did not understand. Since I couldn’t “be myself,” there was no way in hell I could express my romantic interest in a woman. Thanks to the lessons I learned with the ABCs of Attraction, this is no longer an issue, and I can freely express myself in any way I choose. I can take those risks, and be completely comfortable doing so. You will never be able to connect with a woman if you are unable to take a risk– a risk that your ego will be shattered. The ABCs of Attraction can provide you with one possible way to deal with this.

I dislike it when Asian American males say that if they were to attract women on the basis of clothing, shoes, or whatever else that is physical in nature, they are attracting superficial women. What the fuck do you expect? That a woman go up to random men and start asking them about how
good of a person they are? Should you carry your college degree with you as a show of your intelligence? Should she also interview your friends to see how great of a personality you have? Should she check with your doctor that you are in good health? Women do have standards, and
physical appearance is one way they can screen out men who lack physical traits as well as personality traits that are undesired.

Some food for thought: if you dress in a way that sheds you from being judge (“I wear what’s comfortable” is the common line I hear), isn’t that a shorthand for you being someone that can’t handle judgment? Isn’t not being able to handle judgment a short hand for not having a strong identity?

-Martyr

In any case, I was raised in that kind of environment, so I have to say that buying new shoes regularly was not really part of my thought process. Buying _fashionable_ shoes was even further from my mind. The things I thought about were:

-How can I make these shoes last as long as possible so I don’t have to buy new ones?
-What is the cheapest way that I can repair these shoes so I don’t have to buy new ones?
-Hmm…. my shoes are all scratched up. Well, I could shine them, but I’d rather save the $3.00.

How can I make these shoes last as long as possible?!@# Only an individual who was in an economic situation like mine would never need to utter those words. The majority of my peers throughout my childhood were much better off than me (financially), and thus did not have to worry about things like this. At one point I would walk around with beaten up old shoes that were 6 or 7 years old– shoes that I’d worn every day that were all scratched up and had the soles repaired multiple times. I found that Doc Martin’s shoes lasted the longest, so I wore these well past my college days.

Why do shoes matter?

If you’re an Asian American man, and you’ve graduated from college, your earning power is, on average, only 1% less than the earning power of a white man. Note: If you can’t figure this one out, please consider this: white men hold the jobs that are the highest paid– in nearly EVERY industry. So, this basically means that your earning power through the safe career path (that involves little risk taking) that your parents most likely pushed you into is pretty friggin’ high. To those of you Asian American men in this category, I submit this:

* The woman of your dreams wants to know that you care about your appearance.

This includes small details like the shoes you wear, and how well you maintain them. I’ve met countless girls since I took my ABCs of Attraction 3-day seminar bootcamp, and the ladies I meet often end up talking about fashion in some form or another. Some of them say surprising things, including,

• “When I see a guy walk towards me, I glance at his shoes to see if they’re decent. When he walks away, I check out the bottom of his heels to see if they’re all worn-out and messed up.”

The woman of your dreams will endure walking around in extremely uncomfortable heeled shoes just to look good– she definitely wants to know that you spent some minimal amount of time thinking about your shoes. Besides, if you have an annual salary, you have no excuse.

In my case, I spent the 3-5 years following my graduation from college trapped in my old mind-set about not being able to afford new shoes, even though I really was. I had the frugal mind-set ingrained in me from my personal childhood experiences, as well as from the influence I had from my mom (my parents were divorced when I was very young). My mom would constantly discourage me from buying nice things for myself– heaven forbid I should buy new shoes, much less fashionable ones. So, when I finally woke up (at the age of 29), I gave cowboy boots a try. I have received more attention and approaches from women solely based on wearing these cowboy boots than I have received attention and approaches from any other foot apparel I’ve ever worn in my life. I actually didn’t know if these cowboy boots would work for me, because for some people, their wardrobe doesn’t really match. However, I’ve become so comfortable in cowboy boots that I can pull them off even when I’m wearing a suit, or even a tuxedo!

Here are some thoughts I used to think about fancy shoes and boots:

1. Why would it matter if I wear cowboy boots? Nobody can see the top part of it anyway because I’m wearning pants!! (typical Asian value: practicality is more important than visual appeal)
2. A woman should simply like me for who I am inside, not for the shoes that I wear! (typical Asian value: merit-based recognition is more important than individuality and personal-expression based recognition)
3. I feel sooo comfortable in these shoes! I’ve been wearing shoes like this for 10 years! (typical Asian value: the thing that you’ve been doing for 10 years is automatically better than anything new, regardless of how good the new thing is, because trying something new is taking a risk. Risk is BAD in Asian culture)

Do you think that cowboy boots might make you look cooler and get more attention and approaches from women? If you were getting more attention and approaches from women because you wore cool boots (or shoes, for that matter), would you really care?

In my earlier post, I commented on a wildly popular youtube video that illustrates how Asian American men, in general, are really bad with women. (By the way, if you are offended by my saying this because you believe you are good with women, please share your knowledge with us because there are many of us out there who are not good with women. Help a brother out! Send your advice to editor@betterasianman.com) Why do I give these ladies so much credit? Well, because they are most definitely knowledgeable on how a very large cross-section of men (Asian American or otherwise) interact with women– they are very attractive and thus most likely get approached at least 10 times per day, which would be about 3,600 guys approaching them per year. That’s a lot of guys approaching them, so I would say that they probably know more about this than anyone else.

Now, on the subject of sexual identity. A good friend of mine pointed out that we have no sexual identity. Other ethnicities have them– the latin lover, the black guy with the gigantic cock, the good-looking abercrombie and fitch with guy who gets laid very often, the loser white guy (i.e., Superbad) who gets laid very often, the nerdy white guy (i.e., transformers the movie) who gets laid very often, the fat white guy who gets laid very often, the white guy with no job who gets laid very often (notice that there are many different varieties of white guys that are portrayed in mainstream media who are portrayed as getting laid very often).

Why does this matter? You might be thinking, “who the hell cares if a guy gets laid or not, or is good with women or not?” To that I ask you:

* Is a man still considered a man if he is not good with women?

My answer to that question is a resounding no. But you tell me. Email me at editor@betterasianman.com.

Now, if you will assume for a moment that it IS important for Asian American men to be better, in general, with women, do you have a solution to make this possible? I do, and it’s at this website. If you have a better idea, please, let me know, because I haven’t been able to find any other solutions than this one. Also, if you are unable to find any solution to this problem, and I have proposed one (the one that is available at this website), then wouldn’t that make my idea the best one? Again, tell me if you think I’m full of shit by clicking here.

That said, I’d like to refer to one piece of fan mail that I recently received:

Dear Better Asian Man,

…

Since I’ve started cold approaching women, I knew that I was turning to it to expand my dating options, especially with white women. I find that the ratio of white women to asian women I’ve approached is about 30:1. I feel that recently, I have made big strides in connecting with white women because of the tools I learned during my ABC’s bootcamp

…

-Martyr

The objective of the ABCs of Attraction 3-day bootcamp seminar is not to encourage Asian American men to start approaching white women, but simply to encourage Asian American men to break out of their comfort zones, break out of the social restrictions (which effectively drill into the Asian American man’s mind that he should only talk to Asian American women), and get comfortable with their own sexuality and their own means of expressing that sexuality to women. Once that level of personal realization takes place, a man can approach ANY woman, regardless of their background.

I previously had crippling mental barriers which I believe were caused by these very societal restrictions that I’ve mentioned above. However, I’m happy to say that those mental barriers are now a thing of the past. Thanks to the eye-opening experience that I had with the ABCs of Attraction 3-day bootcamp seminar, this is no longer an issue for me.

I have recently posted a challenge to our readers, but now I have a different challenge for you. Are you an Asian American man who has no need for some silly 3-day bootcamp seminar? Can you already meet any woman you want to without having any mental barriers? Share with us something about you! Help a brother out, and share your story and your backround with us.

1. Don’t take any risks. It’s better to keep quiet and just keep a low profile and survive.
2. Don’t express your sexuality. That includes the way you carry yourself, interact with women, and dress.
3. Don’t allow yourself to be open and honest about your feelings (whether they be positive or negative). Hide your emotions at all costs, and definitely don’t express direct sexual interest in a woman.

While I’m certain that these values work wonders in the dating scene in Asia, they are extremely counter-productive here in the US. In this youtube video, you basically get an accurate depiction of how the mass-majority of Asian American men approach Asian American women here in the US.

If you can, for a moment, please put aside your ego and observe the core principles being conveyed in this video. You’ll find that when they describe the way Asian American men approach women, they more or less follow the above 3 principles I described. Again, totally disastrous in the modern day dating world in the U.S. But there’s something you can do about it! Sign up for your ABCs of Attraction bootcamp and learn how to romantically connect with women.

When I took my ABCs of Attraction bootcamp, I learned:

1. How to take risks. I have found that every time I go up to a new girl and try to talk to her, I’m taking a risk. Great risks have given me great rewards, and I’ve found that it’s all about how much I’m willing to put my ego on the line.
2. Express my sexuality. That includes the way I carry myself, interact with women, and dress. The ABCs of Attraction certified coaches and instructors have shown me how to do this in a way that is up-front and honest with a girl, but not creepy or needy.
3. How to be open with my own feelings, whether they be good or bad. I no longer feel embarrassed about expressing myself.

Taking what you can get

This concept was so pervasive in my life, that its reach extended deep into my psyche, and of course affected all of my relationships with women. I would helplessly cling to any woman who would be with me, and I would pathetically accept any fate that befell me, even if that meant being treated in a way that made me feel uncomfortable, or even in a way that completely broke my heart. I was, in the truest sent, “taking what I could get.”

Going after what you want

Going after what you want in life is the complete opposite! I was unable to do this, in terms of my love life (as well as partially in my professional life) until after I took a 3-day bootcamp with the ABCs of Attraction. While there, I learned that I could create romance and dating choices for myself. This was accomplished through a process that taught me how to appreciate the good things in my personality as well as the wonderful achievements in my life– a self-realization process which, in turn, made it much easier for me to meet women and relate to them in a romantic-interest sort of way, rather than in a “lets just be friends” sort of way, which I was exceedingly good at.

Ultra-conservative Asian values in the area of “taking what you can get” and “being happy with what you’re given” is a mentality of survival that worked wonders for families in very modest living situations in Asia, but were totally counter-productive in the up-bringing of a modern day Asian American man like me. I am very glad that I was able to break through this mental barrier and discover that I am capable of so much more. I’m able to go after what I want.

I just got off the phone with one of my students, willwonkurzz. He took his bootcamp 5 months ago. We hung out a few times over the course of the past couple of weeks, and he has been observing my systematic implementation of the method out in the field, and has been using that as a reminder for himself. Well, willwonkurzz has met a girl that makes his heart bounce, and I could clearly tell by the intonation in his voice over the phone that he’s happy with this girl.

In describing the circumstances under which he was able to get slightly more serious with this girl (they are no longer just casually dating), willwonkurzz has gone way above and beyond what he would normally do with a girl. He was able to, for the first time, be completely direct with her regarding his sexual interest and intentions. This marks a pretty big breakthrough considering the way he used to be around women, and I’m so friggin’ proud of the guy. Doing something like that takes a lot of strength and courage. There’s actually no benefit to my life by him getting intimate with this girl. However, the sense of fulfillment and satisfaction that I get from seeing a student that I coached meet the girl of his dreams is an immeasurably awesome feeling.

That’s just one of the things that keeps me motivated.

So, as I grew up, the priority schedule was basically to get the best grades possible while at the same time working at a restaurant (that was about all I could do when I was that young). I worked at a 24-hour diner which involved quite a trek to get to (20 minutes of rollerblading to the bus stop, followed by a 45 minute bus ride). It was a tough living, but I had no choice. I needed to get good grades so that I could get into a good school, get my degree, and then get a good job.

True to the Asian American way, my choices were Electrical Engineer, Computer Scientist, Doctor, or Lawyer. Of these rather limited choices, I chose Computer Science. My nerdiness throughout middle school, high school, and college paid off as I graduated Magna Cum Laude and was able to jumpstart my career to where I am now (most recently I was able to get myself into the top 2% of highest-paid contractors in my division of over 2,000 people. Not too shabby for a nerdy Asian American kid).

I have always loved chess, strategy games (board games: Risk, Battleship, Axis & Allies; video games: Warcraft II, Starcraft, Total Annihilation). When I was in high school I founded the yo-yo club, and I was able to get a Vice President from Duncan Yo-Yos to come to my high school to demonstrate their latest yo-yo related products. Yep, I’m a friggin nerd.

I chose the typical Asian American career path: A “safe” career in the financial industry as a computer programmer. Forget about individuality, differentiating myself, finding my passions in life (god forbid I should have any of those!), and anything else that had to do with searching for my own destiny. Then, a few things in my life started changing for the better. I started to realize that I have a lot of passions, interests, and personality. I started exploring various hobbies and interests (to the complete and utter disappointment and disapproval of my only parent). It was tough. It was difficult doing things without my parent’s approval after having spent my entire life being raised to think that my parent’s opinion is the only one that mattered. (note: in the hard-core Confucian value system in Asia, a younger person can NEVER surpass an older person in experience, knowledge, or any other area of life except for biological longevity).

I slowly began taking more risks, including changing my career path to go independent, and leave the world of employeeship in order to become an independent technology contractor. This is when I began developing new interpersonal skills, because I found myself having to basically sell myself. A lot! The biggest change occurred when I completed my ABCs of Attraction bootcamp. That was a major turning point in my life, because I was able to learn various nuances about social etiquette that I never learned before– not from my parents, not from my peers, not from anyone. I utilized those social tools (in a slightly modified format that is appropriate for the working-professional world), and applied them to my contracting work. The results were astounding. By combining my superb skill at being a nerdy computer science geek, along with my newly acquired social skills, I was able to reach the top of the professional ladder. At my most recent contracting gig, I was commanding very handsome contractor’s rate.

I am a nerd. I will always love doing nerdy, geeky things. I was also once a nerd who had no friggin’ clue in the world of how to approach a woman. This was primarily due to my own inability to be comfortable with my sexuality, and my having never learned how to express my sexuality and intentions with women in a way that is non-needy and non-creepy. I was also once a nerd who had no friggin’ clue how to market himself and get the best possible salary for himself. I allowed employers to take advantage of me and work unpaid overtime because I wanted to fit in with everyone else. I wanted to stay “under the radar.” I wanted to “not stand out too much for fear of getting beaten down.”

Thankfully, that feeble sheep of a person is dead and buried. What I am now is about a million times better. I’m a nerd, but I’m smart, and sexual (like God made me), and I’m really enjoying my life, my friendships, and of course, the dating options and choices I have in my life.

weather-worn plain white t-shirts. My khakhis. My shoes. They were so comfortable. I used to do lots of swing dancing, so they were functional as well. I felt so great in them!

I later learned that I was preventing myself from expanding my dating options and getting women by dressing like this. Yes, the age-old proverb that my previous love interests would always say

“just wear what’s comfortable”

really means

“just wear what’s comfortable, but make sure it is fashionably edgy if you ever expect to be considered as a dating option for the vast majority of women out there”

After I took a bootcamp with The Asian Playboy, I FINALLY learned how to dress in clothing that is both comfortable AND fashionably edgy. I am CONSTANTLY complimented by women around me about my fashionable and attractive clothing, accessories, and hair. The best part is — I’M COMFORTABLE.

What is “comfortable?” Something you’re used to? Start dressing more fashionably edgy now and you’ll get comfortable that much sooner– and will find it that little bi easier to succeed with women that much sooner.

A proverb so simple and basic as “just be yourself,” which countless love interests advised me to do as they rejected my advances, was completely alien to me.

Here’s what it really means

I am a man. I am only able to understand things as a man does — first logically, then emotionally. “Just be yourself” is a very emotions-driven proverb that makes perfect sense to a woman, but (previously) made no sense to me. I felt that I was “being myself,” and I was rejected over and over again, so I began to feel that there was something wrong with me. Fortunately, I now know that “just be yourself” really means:

1. Learn how to talk about things that happened in your life in a way that is interesting to a woman
2. Communicate to the woman (in a verbal and/or non-verbal way) that you’re sexual, that you’re attracted to her, but not in a needy or creepy way.
3. Find a way to enjoy the courtship process.

I spent 29 years of my life not knowing how to do this, and, as a result, I had zero dating options. Thanks to the lessons I learned from the curriculum provided by the ABCs of Attraction, I can do all 3 of the above things, and I have lots of women in my life as a result of it. I will never have to worry about getting a date for the rest of my life.

To book Better Asian Man.com for your event, email us at betterasianman@yahoo.com.

Workshop Title: Asian American Male Sexuality

Workshop Description:

Why can’t you say “sexual” and “Asian Man” in the same sentence? Why aren’t Asian American Guys allowed to date white women? Why do so many Asian American women prefer white guys?

No topic will be off limits in this open dialogue about the Asian man’s place in America’s sexual food chain.

Workshop Press Coverage:

Harvard Student Reactions

Feature Article in Harvard Student Newspaper

Workshop Feedback:

Dear Better Asian Man,

We are grateful that you are interested in leading a workshop at ECAASU. We would like for you to participate in our programming schedule. Your topic [Asian American Male Sexuality: A workshop for women] is representative of our theme and we believe that it will empower our attendees to become future APA leaders.

In addition, we would like to know if you are interested in participating in a sexuality panel discussion. We believe you can add a unique voice to our line-up of panelists.

Khan Tran
Workshops Co-Chair
ECAASU 2010

Dear Better Asian Man,

On behalf of the entire board, we would like to thank you for bringing the workshop, “Asian American Male Sexuality” to the 7th annual Boston Asian American Intercollegiate Conference at Northeastern University, and for taking part in our mission to inspire the Asian American community.

Best,
BAASIC 2009 Board
October 10, 2009

Laurence Louie, Co-ChairSandra Lee, Co-Chair Kenny Li, Fundraising Chair Mounica Manchiraju, Senior Programming Chair Christine Lam, Programming Assistant Co-Chair

Patrick Li, Programming Assistant Co-Chair Cindy Wong, Logistics Chair Chanelle Dow, Public Relations Co-Chair Angela Lam, Public Relations Co-Chair Donna Yee, Webmistress / Design Chair

Dear Better Asian Man,

The NYCAASC committee would like to thank you for your time, passion, and knowledge that you shared with us today. You have played an integral role in our third conference, and we are grateful for the inspiration you continue to provide through your work!

Best,

Sondra Morishima
NYCAASC
Workshop Coordinator
April 18, 2009

“Dear Better Asian Man,

On behalf of the ECAASU 2009 Conference Board, Laurence and I would like to thank you for your participation in our conference by facilitating a workshop on “Asian American Male Sexuality: A workshop primarily geared for women.” It was really nice having you participate in our conference. We were so happy to see a “Full” sign on your door when we came to visit.

Your support and encouragement for our efforts is much appreciated and I thank you for taking the time to do your workshop. I’ve learned that the contingent of people in the Asian American community, who are interested in educating and empowering the younger generation, is quite small but dedicated. We really enjoyed working with you and hope to do so again in the future. Best of luck and please stay in touch.

Best,

Nilam Patel Workshops Co-Chair	Laurence Louie Workshops Co-Chair
ECAASU 2009 @ Rutgers University“

March 4, 2009

“Dear Better Asian Man,

On behalf of the Harvard Taiwanese Cultural Society and the co-sponsoring organizations, Asian American Association, Asian American Brotherhood, Chinese Students Association, Harvard Hong Kong Society, Harvard Vietnamese Association, Korean Association, and Harvard Thai Society, thank you so much for coming to Harvard and leading the Asian American Male Sexuality workshop!

The workshop was incredibly interesting and informative, and I’m sure it will spark many more discussions in the near future.

I hope you have had as great an experience as we have had and again, thank you for this amazing workshop!

Sincerely,

Katherine Chau

Executive Board Member, 2008

Harvard Taiwanese Culture Society”
November 8, 2008

“Dear Better Asian Man,

On behalf of ASU, I would like to say THANK YOU so much for your lecture! ASU has received several emails from participants expressing that they truly learned a lot. As someone who learned a lot myself, I can say that this lecture was extremely eye opening. I am sure that many other Wellesley women walked away with the same feeling.

I hope that your stay at Wellesley and the greater Boston area was comfortable and relaxing. Please stay in touch with Wellesley’s ASU; we hope to collaborate a lot more with you in the future.”

-Shirley Nah, Wellesley Asian Student Union Executive Board, April 6, 2008

Better Asian Man.com has presented workshops and panel discussions at:

• 2010 (March): University of Pennsylvania (ECAASU)
• 2009 (October): Northeastern University (BAASIC)
• 2009 (April): New York University (NYCAASC)
• 2009 (February): Rutgers University (ECAASU)
• 2008 (November): Harvard University
• 2008 (April): New York University (NYCAASC)
• 2008 (April): Wellesley
• 2007: Yale (ECAASU)
• 2006: George Washington University (NAASCon)
• 2005: Tufts (BASIC)
• 2005: University of Pennsylvania (ECAASU)

To book Better Asian Man.com for your diversity-awareness conference, email us at betterasianman@yahoo.com

I’ve lived in New York City my entire life, and, up until the age of 30, I had absolutely no A-game. I wandered through life endlessly clinging pathetically to any woman that would give me the time of day. I had a few girlfriends during my first 29 years on the planet (4 to be exact), and about 20 or fewer dates. That’s less than 2 dates per year, over the course of my life. When I was about to turn 30, I had started asking my cousins back in Taiwan to introduce me to women with the intent of finding a wife there. I looked for jobs and apartments in Asia, and I was intent on moving there and spending the rest of my life there. I thought that Asian American women in the US didn’t want me because they all wanted to be with white guys, and I thought that all non-Asian American women didn’t want me because the only thing they know about Asian American men is that they’re nerdy, socially awkward, and sexual eunuchs, just as they’re always portrayed on TV, in movies and in all other forms of mainstream media.

Then, a dramatic change occurred in my life in October of 2007. (read more about this here.)

Fast forward to the present day (7/2/08), and I have absolutely no desire to leave the U.S. at all. I have more dating options and more women in my life than I can possibly imagine. This blog describes my journey from being the man described in the first paragraph, to the man who lives today who has an endless supply of dating options to choose from. I will talk about my own life experiences (past and present), and I’ll share with you how I got there. I will be sharing with you all kinds of advice on fashion (clothes, accessories, shoes), hair, the bachelor pad, travel, nightlife, and of course, how to get better with women. (I am a certified approach coach for the ABCs of Attraction.) My current goal in my romance life is to find a girl that I have good chemistry with that I would feel comfortable enough with to someday marry.

This website is custom built for Asian American men who want to increase their dating options and choices, bring high quality women into their lives, and control their own sexual destiny. We can talk day and night about how awesome Asian American Activisim/Empowerment is, but the bottom line is that you ain’t empowered if you ain’t good with women.

Welcome to BetterAsianMan.com

Choice.

This transition period started on the day that I completed my ABC of Attraction 3-day bootcamp seminar, and continued until February 2008 when I decided to exclusively date one girl that I had been dating at that time. That moment, in February of 2008, was the first moment when I was able to choose among the several girls I was seeing at that time, and decide which one I wanted to be with. For the very first time in my life, I was in control of my own dating options.

The “One Asian American Man’s Life” blog entries are a simple, sincere, and honest account of my life as it was before that transition period, and my life as it is after that transition period.

In each blog entry I will be detailing various specifics of my life then and now. The absolute key things that were missing in my life before this transition period, that I learned how to do during the ABC of Attraction bootcamp, are:

1. I learned how to be myself
2. I learned how to express my romantic interest in a girl in a non-creepy and non-needy way
3. I learned how to romantically connect with women on a consistent basis
4. I learned how to improve my dating options with women
5. I learned how to approach girls any time of day and talk to them in a non-creepy and non-needy way
6. I learned how to feel confident in knowing that I will never have trouble meeting girls and getting a date

These 6 elements were completely absent from my life before this transition period. Once I had these things in my life, I began to feel much more fulfilled and happy with everything else in my life. None of that would have been possible without the lessons I learned during the bootcamp

If you have any comments or questions, feel free to send them to me at betterasianman@yahoo.com